disturbed

I realised that whenever i am bored n have nothing to do, i'll go drop by friendster to hav a look. Its interesting how this once-popular-no-doubt-disturbing-in-nature site is still visited by friends. There are so many who would still go there and update they photos and wat not. Most of the time i am more disturbed than anithing...

Saw a sec sch's friend posting up a grp photo... six of them.. happily went out, recently i guess.. Once upon a time they were my best friends too. Guess its e growing up phase.. internet came in, issues surfaced,and we kinda fell out. CAnt realli remember how it happened and why it happened already. Its like once a while this whole episode would come to mind again. Full of regrets yet it is a past i realli dont wanna look back on. I dont know how to look back. A major conflict, lost my whole social circle. I concentrated on my books, got into the best class and never look back again... jus keep running away from it.

我们个个都没变，但一切都不同了。
所有的事,物都如昔; 但你我已不再是以前的自己。

As i continue viewing, i see people's photos changing, people's 'aboutme' changing. See their change in status, their change in perspective, their change in piority. Some are still in close contact with me, some are already long lost friends. Yet, its like we are forever destined to be a particular part of someone's life only. It may be a phase in time, or it can be a certain segment of the persons' life. Like you, reading my blog here. you may know more abt me than i intend to. Since i dont intend to, and no one realli discuss in real life wat was written in blogs, there is no way you can act on the information that you receive from here. Similarly, i see what people put in their friendster, yet i cant act on it. its jus like a FYI. Information that cannot be acted upon is no good information at all.. its just adds up to everything that makes interpersonal relationship even more complicated and disturbing.

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After SCM class todae, one of my grp mates suddenly commented that i am 'foreva practical'. I was shocked by the comment, for i am not at all close to him. Yet his words carry so much truth. Yeah i guess i am realli practical, nice of him not saying that i am pragmatic, or any other terms with negative connotations. Pragmatic and probably too task oriented. too calculative maybe? Its like a mirror is suddenly shoved into my face. guess i'll jus hav to come to terms with myself.